Tuesday, May 6, 2014

7 INSANE Things WOMEN Do To Their Feet So They Can Wear High Heels

Getting a “Cinderella job”…Where the doctor alters your foot to the shoe. Why buy shoes that fit, when you can wear any shoes? You know, after major surgery.

My tootsies hurt just reading about them. WHHY LADIES WHHHHHY??

1. Getting a “stiletto lift”.

This is when you shoot botox into the balls of your feet. This is important because the more you wear heels, the more your wear down on that fat and collagen and so eventually, you have nothing protecting your skin from your bones. This way, you can continue to wear your Jimmy Choos and you (probably) won’t break all your bones and your bones probably won’t slice open your skin.

2. Getting fat sucked out of your toes. You know, to cure toe obestiy, AKA toebesity.

Toebesity is a thing that now exists, and we must raise awareness. Does anyone know what the ribbon color for toebesity is? I want to help educate people about the real issue of toebesity. #ToebestiyToeMore

3. Getting “loub jobs”.

Named after Christian Louboutin’s signature sky-high heels, this involve injecting collagen into the toe pads, heels, and balls of the feet so that you can feel like you’re walking on air, even when you’re walking on your own toe bones. Comfy!

4. Getting “stiletto surgery”.

This basically means cutting off or shortening toes. Like, you know, just getting rid of a toe… just ’cause. That’s some Game of Thrones shit right there. Or, like, something they would do in The Hunger Games Capital. Effie can’t fit into her new size 4, 8-inch stilettos? Fuck it, cut off her big toe and shove those suckers in! Fashion!

5. Getting a “Cinderella job”.

Where the doctor alters your foot to the shoe. Why buy shoes that fit, when you can wear any shoes? You know, after major surgery.

6. Getting a “foot facelift”.

Just when you thought there was ONE part of your body that was safe from public scruntity and self-loathing, along comes the foot facelift! Your feet no longer have to just worry about getting you from here to there, they better look damn good while doing so! The foot facelift can include anything and everything from shortening or lengthening the toes to shaving off bunions and slimming the feet. Congrats! You now feel self-conscious and shitty because of your FEET.

7. Bunion surgery.

And I quote “repositioning the big toe to eliminate the unsightly bump on the inside of the foot.” UNSIGHTLY! For shame, ladies!!!Follow GistaNaija on Twitter @GistaNaija and Facebook GistaNigeria
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