What Men and Women Think After Sex? (2)

By Funmi Akingbade

Last week we started an extensive thought-provoking discussion: we started enumerating what actually goes on in the minds of partners shortly after sex. Many partners in relationships are eager to travel down the memory lane with their loved ones immediately after sex. This inquisition is based on the quest to know if or whether their partners’ professed love and commitment is actually a reality or a mirage. Dating partners or intending couples are not left out either. They want to know the truth. It has helped a lot of ‘about to be married’ partners to take decisions about their relationships. It has even helped avert a supposedly doomed marriage.

When a guy is only interested in a sexual intimacy and not a committed relationship, one of the cardinal signals is his thought shortly after sex, especially in a one-night stand. Once he is done, the next thing he does is staring at the ceiling with thoughts of choosing the right time to bid goodbye or how to get such free sexual favour over and again. And sometimes, some guys might not really want to end such so far the girl in question is willing to freely give sexual favour. They can play along till they are ready to change sex partners. At this crucial time, it is important for the girl in question to cleverly ask what the guy is actually thinking about. When he is caught unawares, his reaction, facial expression, body movement and verbal expression or remark will definitely give him away. However some guys are so smart and could outwit the girl and pretend they are in such relationship for real. But close observation is needed here; it is important for the lady to watch out for some unconscious remarks, jokes, expressions and telephone conversations.

Some other guys who are indecisive nonetheless may be ready for commitment. They may be wondering what step to take next. Should he be calling her up to ask for another date? Should he be making conversations with her on a daily basis? Should he make his intention of commitment to her known? Can sex be the true measure of her commitment? How must he behave with her now that they had quenched their physical thirst? At this stage, a girl in love should try and start a sincere soul searching conversation with him so as to be able to measure the level of his commitment. Many times, girls make the mistake of thinking that sexual relationship prior to marital commitment makes the relationship solid. I do not think so because there may be nothing left to imagination again. Sexual encounters between the married seal the bond of intimacy more than imagined but sexual encounters between singles sour the union. Sex is never a good measure of a commitment in a relationship.

Sex is a means to an end and not an end itself; so it must be handled with every atom of carefulness. It must never be put up as bait for a good relationship. The primary test of commitment is to look out for real love because everyone wants to love and be loved. Even in a marriage relationship, great sex life between husband and wife does not connote nor present a great marriage, but rather an established loving companionship.

Singles should not jump the process and make sex a yardstick for a good one. It is better not to be in a relationship than be in one that sex is only the activity of the day. Singles must be convinced that the relationship is by choice and not by force. Any partner that forcefully demands for sex is an abusive partner. Dating relationship is a friendship relationship; friendship and not sexual passion is what holds relationship. When a partner in a relationship does not see reason for complete commitment, he or she is not expected to be in a relationship. Marriage is not for girls and boys because boys or girls always want opportunity without responsibilities. And when talking about responsibilities, age is irrelevant. When it comes to maturity, growing up is not the same thing as growing old and mature. There is more at stake in a relationship than just two people trying to meet each other’s sexual needs all the time. It is far complex than that. So next time a single is trying to envisage, envision, visualise, picture and imagine the thought of his or her partner, he must ask himself whether the relationship is worth the sexual sacrifices or not.

Questions and Answers

My wife’s varicose vein is pushing me out to seek for sex outside my marriage

My wife gave birth to a set of twins five years ago after which she developed horrifying varicose veins that get enlarged year in year out. The moment I look at her legs and arms, I get irritated. It is so repulsive and I have tried to make her wear stockings, yet the sight of it does not make me ask her for sex. It appears as if earth-worms are crawling all over her. We have tried all we can and she is afraid of surgery. Are there natural ways to handle this?

Mr. Mark Volkoy

Running away from her will make the matter worse. You need to know that healthy veins carry blood to the heart through a series of one-way valves. These valves allow blood to flow in the right direction from superficial veins to deeper veins and to the heart. The vessels are surrounded by muscles which contract and help pump blood to the heart. Normally the veins have a one-way valve to prevent backflow. However, defective valves allow blood to flow backward and pool inside the vein. As blood pools within the vein, pressure builds and the vessel wall weakens. As a result, the vein tends to bulge and twist. Depending on the size of the blood vessel and extent of swelling, the result is a varicose vein. They can be spider like or larger blood vessels that have become swollen and twisted. This problem is common in people with jobs that keep them on their feet, such as nurses, teachers and sometimes aged and Obese people, Pregnancy, trauma, or surgery to the leg can also be responsible for it. Some other times, it may be hereditary. Mostly, women are more affected than men.

Varicose veins could actually be an eyesore and also painful for the victim, but there are natural remedies. Beside using a support stockings that help improve circulation and relieve pain and discomfort in the legs, losing weight and walking regularly can ease the symptoms. Eating a low-salt diet to reduce water retention is very important. Whenever possible, propping up the legs with a pillow or recliner, so they rest at or above the level of the heart reduces the effect totally.

Getting plenty of exercise is one of the best help. Exercise helps keep the weight under control and the leg muscles toned. And whenever she is pregnant again, remind her to sleep on her left side rather than on her back.

I am always having frequent toilet disease

I am always having toilet disease which always makes me have pain during sex especially when I am aroused. It is so painful and because of the frequent recurrence, I do not use public toilets anywhere. But, I must use some medications for this disease every week, what can I do?

Mrs Preyee Ajanaku

Sometimes all you need to do is understand your vulva make-up and how to naturally care for it. Vulva is the name given to the female external genitals as a whole. As a woman becomes aroused, the entire vulva becomes engorged with blood, resulting in swelling and darkening of the external genitals. The result of this swelling is much like a water bed, touching any place causes ripples of sensation throughout the whole area. But when it is painful due to toilet disease, you may lose sensitivity. So, try and desist from using anti-bacterial soaps or body washes in that area. This is because anti-bacterial soaps can kill the good bacteria in that part of the body and open you up to infections. Washing with warm water alone is actually enough. If you must wash with soap, then use very mild soap and make sure you rinse very thoroughly to get rid of any trace of the soap. Avoid douching which is the process of forcing water or other liquid into the vaginal cavity to flush away vaginal discharge. This act actually causes more harm than good and so should be avoided. After using the toilet, always wipe from front to back, never from back to front so that you don’t introduce harmful bacteria from the anus to the vulva area. If you play around with food or drinks in that area during sex, you might want to stop. This is because sugar found in these foods or drinks can cause irritations down there; so avoid such. Then always wear panties with cotton lining to allow vulva breath and prevent dampness. This means you have to pay more attention to the type of panties you buy. Make sure it is cotton.

What’s nipple confusion?

Busaki Aminatetu

Nipple confusion occurs when a baby is bottle-fed too soon and then forgets how to nurse on mom’s nipple. It’s not very common, but you can easily avoid it. If you’re planning on introducing bottles or a pacifier, wait until your baby is between 2 to 4 weeks old. But don’t wait too long after that to introduce a bottle or you may have trouble getting the baby to accept one.

Can virgins get STDs?

Mr. Harry Luke

Yes, they can. Many STDs spread through any type of sexual activity, including skin-to-skin contact and oral sex. This is especially true of STDs that produce genital lesions or sores.

My husband sent me packing after I sent my breast pictures to his Blackberry phone.

I was recently sent packing when my husband discovered that it was my breast pictures I sent into his Blackberry smart phone. It is embarrassing for me to tell his family that he sent me out of his house for such reason. Do you have a way out for me?

Mrs. Calabash Dish

Calm down, there is always a way out. I think you should do all you can to get his forgiveness; plead, beg and send people you think he holds in high esteem to him to help plead with him. Make sure you do not defend yourself for any reason; just plead guilty. I am sure in a matter of time he will call you back. Sometime in the bid to do something sexy and crazy, we may go overboard. We do not think twice before applying some of the sexual tricks we read about in our marital bed. It is nice to act and look sexy but it is a nice thing to be proactive and be innovative. But first and foremost, you must understudy your partner closely before applying some of these sexual tricks. Different strokes for different folks. We should never forget that the belief, cultural inclination and concept of our spouse affect their sexuality.

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