Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Only 10% Of You Maniacs Have Drunk Sex

Yeah, I know you're super hot but this booze makes you an 11 or so.

A poll in Britain has revealed that a surprising amount of sex is not sober sex.

Were it not for booze-fueled sex, 50-60 percent of us wouldn't be here. So let's none of us sell the act so short. I'm willing to bet the Churchill family line would have ended well before they could "fight on the beaches ... and liberate the old" et cetera. Buuuuuuuut, periodically isn't a good idea to, you know, get it on without a 70 proof sidecar?


DigitalSpy tells us that one in ten British couples have not had sober sex in half a year. Quoting a poll from UKMedix.com of adult adult [sic] beverage consumers, booze in Britain plays a major role in mating. Further, half of the couples hadn't had sex in the last month without the inclusion of liquid courage. The really interesting takeaway was that two-thirds of respondents were simply not "in the mood" without ethanol-based (social) lubricant. Despite all this liquor-launched loving, two-of-five polled felt that having like 100 brewskis would inhibit sexual prowess rather than sexual desire.

While these poll-takers were exclusively Brits, my experiences in New York, Atlanta, Miami, Minneapolis, Jacksonville, Los Angeles, the Bahamas, cruise ships, airplanes, buses, trains and "college," have led me to guess that beer-goggled sex happens at similar rates in North America.

I'm 100% sure fermented liquids have kept couples (and SINGLES!) interested in each others' reproductive zones (if not digestive apertures) since the first time a cave husband left a bunch of berries in the sun for a few days, but it seems like our reliance on alcohol as aphrodisiac is ramping up. Perhaps it's the sexy parties in rum ads. Maybe it's debauched non-sensual titilation of the Girls Gone Wild videos. It could be our relaxed attitude towards STIs since the HIV scare of the 90s. Possibly it's a sign of the pending apocalypse. But maybe it's just the way human beings have always propagated the species, as inebriation and copulation both feel pretty darn good.

What say you? How much of your sexual activity involves alcohol? Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that the lion's share of my initial sexual explorations involved some amount of fluid fearlessness.

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