Tuesday, December 3, 2013

"My Wife Of 28 Years Is Sleeping With My Personal Assistant"

I have tried to sort this problem out on my own several times, but the more I think and dwell on it, the more difficult trying to solve it becomes.

I am a reader of your column and I have read some of your readers’ responses to some of the letters published on this page, which is why I decided to write you, I will however appreciate anonymity.

My wife and I have been married for 28 years and blessed with good children who are equally doing well in their chosen careers. We have had a happy and blissful marriage and home until recently that my wife wants to destroy all we have built through hard work, courage, tolerance and above all, love.

We met and fell in love with each other in the US, where we both studied. It had been good since then, although not without the normal hitches that you expect in unions, but it has never been serious untill now. I cannot say I have been 100 per cent faithful to her, but I never gave her a cause or reason to doubt my sincerity to our home and marriage.

She left her civil service job to face her passion, poultry and fish farming. She has a big thriving farm and I have always been an engineer with my own construction company. I have quite a number of staff, but for good reasons and on the insistence of my wife I didn’t employ another female personal assistant. For reasons best known to her, she suspected I was dating my last PA, I had to let her go and to put her mind at rest, I promised her I won’t employ another female PA.

My old PA left me six months ago for a job elsewhere and due to the fact that I needed someone more agile, I employed a younger man. It wasn’t a strange thing for my wife to visit me in the office; she does often, so I saw no reason to question the fact that lately, she became a regular visitor to my office. She would stop over in my office to say hello and sometimes on her way home.

She never struck me as someone who would engage in extramarital affairs so when my best friend who incidentally was my best man when we got married, asked if my PA was related to my wife, I said no and didn’t give it a thought again. It did not occur to me to ask him why he asked the question. Some days after he asked me again at the club, I said the same thing then he went further to ask if I wasn’t curious he was asking all these. I was still not bothered and I couldn’t remember the answer I gave him.

He kept quiet and when we were about leaving the club, he said he wanted to tell me something serious and he would want me to behave like a man. Talks like this come up when someone dies; I was shocked and asked if someone died.

He said no and asked how I would feel if I discovered that my wife was having extramarital affairs.

I laughed and asked him to forget it. He then explained how he has been seeing my wife and my PA around town and how out of curiosity, he trailed them to a hotel outside town. Unknown to them he had done this twice. I was shocked and refused to believe him. He said they both visit the hotel on Saturdays and he had seen them consistently on three Saturdays.

I remembered that lately, my wife goes out on Saturday afternoon. I have never asked where she went to as I had no reason to suspect anything negative. Because of the fact that I refused to believe my friend, he asked that we trail them the following Saturday but I should behave like a man.

The day came, like any other, I almost told my wife what my friend said about her but I held my peace. I told my wife I was travelling out of town with my friend. She said okay and didn’t even ask where I was going and why I was just telling her that morning, because ordinarily, I would have told her days before. My friend and I set out early so there was no way my wife would have suspected anything.

We arrived the hotel early enough; lo and behold, hours later, my wife and PA arrived as I was told. I almost jumped out of the car, but my friend restrained me. I saw them with my eyes and we waited for them to leave. That was two weeks ago. I wanted to sack my PA the following Monday when I got to the office, but my friend advised against it.

I am yet to ask my wife, it is surprising the way she is going about the house as if everything is okay. I have been cold towards her, but she does not seem to realise it or probably she decided to ignore me. I could kill her… I don’t know how to speak out without being violent. Please, help me. As for my PA, I would confront him and ask him to leave like a gentleman, but my wife is a thorn in the flesh, please, how do I handle this situation?

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